Yes, I’m changing my day job (today is my last day, WHEE!), and hopefully I’m going on to bigger and better things. If the content of this blog doesn’t make it obvious, my job was not the most optimal. In fact it pretty well sucked. But, despite being unquestionably disgruntled in my job, I was only half-heartedly contemplating leaving. Really, there was a part of me that believed that looking for another job was a wasted effort, and quitting to start anything on my own was suicidal.
Luckily for me, once I was really and truly done with my job, I went looking and found a really promising job waiting for me. I’m under no illusions that everyone will have my luck, or be able to do the stretching and changing both me and my husband had to do to so that I could take a pay-cut. I might be completely wrong and throwing my family into financial ruin. But everyone has their breaking point, and if you agree with this list, you might be there.
1) You’ve got your resignation speech memorized, but haven’t applied for a single job… You’re saving that for after the bodies are found.
2) Said speech resembles the speech in Christmas Vacation where Clark freaks out (Halleliujah, Holy shit!… Where’s the Tylenol?)
3) Your morning routine requires multiple notes throughout your home with inspirational quotes like: If you die now, THEY WIN. One more day to slowly destroy their hold on reality. Vengeance is best served cold… in the walk-in… on Tuesday. I’m ok, really.
4) Leaving work at the end of the day includes doing back-flips in the parking lot on the way to your car. Like Daffy Duck flipping out.
5) You refer to taking off your name tag/uniform as “removing the yoke of oppression” And it feels much like removing “the One Ring” from your ripped and bleeding neck.
6) Every morning you consider slamming your head with the bedroom door so that you don’t have to go to work. Maybe you even slide your head between the door frame and the door, and squish it slightly before deciding to once again don the yoke of oppression and take the sad, sad drive into oblivion.
7) You die a little inside whenever someone tells you “at least you have a job.” Yes, you want to destroy the world and everyone in it more and more everyday, but it’s better than sitting at home watching soap-operas and waiting for your government check to roll in. I mean it’s not like you’ve been shoveling cash into the system so that you could ever take advantage of it, right? Yes, best to keep sinking further into despair.
8) You’d rather tell people you’re unemployed and on welfare, AND not looking for employment, than tell anyone where you really work. Remember that last point? Does it make you feel better about yourself to be outside of that group of people who “at least have a job.” If a guilt trip for being a leech on society sounds better than admitting to your actual employment, then this list is for you.
9) You look at the guys panhandling by the roadside and wonder if there’s any openings. Do your mad bucket drumming skillz give you a leg up, or would they just consider that unfair competition and beat you with their shoes? Would people pay to see it? Hobo Fight! Everyone wins!